Wednesday | October 03, 2007

I AM TIRED OF TRYING!

THESE FEW DAYS HAVE NOT BEEN THE GREATEST OF ALL.  FOR SOME REASON I AM FEELING REALLY LOW, AND I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT.  A PART OF ME WISHES THAT I COULD JUST END IT ALL, BUT ANOTHER PART OF ME JUST WANTS TO GET HELP.  MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY BOYFRIEND IS NOT DOING WELL AT ALL.  I TOLD HIM LAST FRIDAY THAT I WAS JUST NOT HAPPY ANYMORE, AND HE DOESN'T WANT TO EVEN WORK ON IT.  I HAVE BEEN WONDERING ABOUT THE HOUSE ALL WEEK, AND HE STILL HASN'T OFFERED TO TALK TO ME.  I TOLD HIM THAT THE LITTLE THINGS IN LIFE WILL ALWAYS MATTER.  WHEATER IT'S GRABBING A CUP OF COFFEE WITH ME, OR JUST SAYING I LOVE YOU.  HE HAS NOT SAID THAT TO ME SINCE I TOLD HIM THAT I WAS UNHAPPY.  BECAUSE I HAVE NEVER SAID THAT TO HIM BEFORE, I WAS EXPECTING HIM TO SAY HE WANTED TO WORK ON IT, AND FIGURE OUT WHAT HAS HAPPENED OVER THESE PAST 5 YEARS THAT WOULD MAKE ME SUDDENLY UNHAPPY.  COULD IT BE THAT WE ARE JUST GROWING APART AND WE NEED OUR SPACE??  MAYBE THAT COULD BE IT, BUT BECAUSE HE REFUESES TO EVER TALK TO ME ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP, I WILL NEVER KNOW.  IF I DID BRING IT UP THAT WE NEED TIME APART, THAN HE ALWAYS SAYS "FINE IF THATS WHAT YOU WANT"  NEVER TRYS TO PURSUADE ME TO THINK ABOUT IT, OR WHY, JUST "IF THATS WHAT YOU WANT".  SOMETIMES, I WISH HE WOULD OPEN UP TO ME AND ACTUALLY HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH ME ABOUT THINGS THAT ACTUALLY MATTER IN LIFE.  THE ONLY THING THAT I KNOW RIGHT NOW IS THAT HIS JOB IS SCREWING HIM OVER AT WORK, AND HE SEEMS PISSED ABOUT IT.  SO JUST NOW HE OPENED MY BEDROOM DOOR AND SAID "YOU OK, YOU DON'T WANNA COME OUTSIDE HERE AND TALK TO ME"  NO!!!  I WANT YOU TO TALK TO ME.  YOU KNOW THAT I AM UPSET, WHY WOULD I MAKE THE FIRST MOVE AND YOU SHOULD JUST FUCKIN GRAB ME AND HOLD ME!!!!  WHY, I REALLY THAT HE KNEW ME BETTER THAN THAT, AND THAT I WAS MAKING IT OBVIOUS THAT IS WHAT I WANT.  MAYBE HE JUST CAN'T READ ME ANYMORE.  IN A WAY I WANT HIM TO LEAVE SO THAT IT ISN'T ME LOOKING LIKE THE BAD GUY.

 

Posted by PL0225 at 20:37:22 | Permanent Link | Comments (38) |

Wednesday | July 25, 2007

the truth about us...

So its 1AM and I am sitting here because its Rob's birthday and all the boys went out....

 

why is it that when its a boys birthday, its BOYS ONLY... when we celebrate the girls, its EVERYONE like mine was in AC.  All were welcome and most did stay.  I just guess that it pisses me off cause we can all go out to dinner together like applebees or fridays, and we all have fun and joke n shit. So how come cause its Rob's birthday and they wanna go to Bar A, I have to stay home.  I am sorry but I did think that we were ALL friends, NOT just the boys.  Forget the fact that I am the only one that is allowed to get in being 22, but what happens when we all are 21 and older, only the boys are allowed out??  Well I got news for ya cause when we all turn 21, and its GIRLS nite out, we can be just as bad if not worse.  

 

I am a girl, and when we are out celebrating, I KNOW what we do when we are trying to get free drinks, you talk with the bartender or the group next to you trying to get some free drinks out of it, and boom!!! flirting.  So what should make me think that the boys dont flirt back at them, cause I know that they boys that I have seen out at the bars flirt back at you. On the other side of the spectrum, we can be worse, so I am actually NOT defending my own sex, I am telling the truth about how horrible we can truly be when it comes to bars.  So ladies, when you man is out at the bar... dont worry about the way your man is acting, remember that is the behavior we encourage when we do the same thing.

Posted by PL0225 at 02:06:48 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Thursday | May 03, 2007

Out of the Normal..

Today was a day like none other.  It was nice.  I worked (despite the drama that happened), and then I came home and me and Craig just spent the night together, and we went to the gym together.  Very nice to just be us for a change.  Even though he did run off to the gym again to play racket ball with Rob.  

Do you ever wonder if your boyfriend or husband is cheating on you?  How do you know what to look for, and if you can, how do you stop it?  Can you prevent it, or will boys just be boys?  I know this is coming out of nowhere, but think about it.... How do you really know the truth...?
Posted by PL0225 at 23:43:35 | Permanent Link | Comments (2) |

Sunday | April 22, 2007

What a Weekend

A crazy weekend is leaving my head not so clear right. 

It started on Thursday when I was at work.  I have been pushed by the women at work to pursue going back to school because I took a year off to work there, a long story all on its own which we can discuss at a later time.  So I finally made an appointment with my counselor, and we figured out what Im going to do, and we made some schedules that would work for me.  She also suggested that I take a summer class in math to get back in the swing of things, so I am.  On Thursday I waited pretty much all day to try and think of how I was going to tell Stacey that I was going back to school and that I could not do the 
"full time" thing with her any more. (working full time, for part time pay) So I was quiet all day becuase I wasnt sure how she would react because we have been working the same hours for alomst a year now, and we have become very close friends since then.  Plus she was getting ready to start her week vacation on sunday, and I was sad that she was going away, leaving me with all the psychos there by myself. 

So around 6:00 that night, as we were getting ready to leave from our late night (which only full timers are required to work, not me) and I sat down and told her that I had good news and bad news. She told me that she wanted the good news first, and I told her that it wasnt that bad.  And the bad news was that I was going back to school.  

Well she flipped out on me, and said "is this what you;ve been waiting to tell me all day....This pisses me off....Im very offened."  The thought of her being offened made me question why??  What did I do that was so offensive to her?  Later on when she kind of cooled off she explained why that offened her.  Her reason was because it makes her look "unapproachable" and that we are not really friends if I can't talk to or tell her about things like this. 

Needless to say, she didnt really talk to me that much on Friday when we walked into work.  Or the rest of the day, and when she did it was very short sentences.  I tried to make conversations all day, and finally toward the end of the day, we talked about things that we usually would have.  But the story doesn't end there....

After I came home, Craig was sleeping and it was such a beautiful day, so I woke him up, and told him about what had happened at work.  So instead of sitting home thinking about it, he said lets go out to dinner and I call my friends, and we go have some drinks.  So he got his friends together and we went to Friday's.  But the way it happened was his friend Rob picked up me and Craig, we picked up Edwin and Andy at a baseball game, Drove to Friday's and there we met up with Joe who had brought with him John.  I know there is a lot of names, but its easy to understand.  

So we are getting ready to leave and John says to Joe, alrite ya ready, cause your just coming back to my house right.  And Joe says NO, I have to go home cause I wanna go to bed.  So Im wondering how Craig, me, rob, andy, edwin, and john, are going to fit into this tiny Nissan Altima. Meanwhile, Joe hears me and Craig arguing about how I will just call my mother and her come and get us so that we don't go smashing through the window when we get in a car accident.  Instead of saying that he will just drop off John at his house, he makes them all squish into Rob's Nissan, and my mother come out in her pajamas at 10:30 to come and get us, cause he is acting like a huge baby.  

Maybe I over reacted a little that night but because I was frustrated about what happened at work, and I was very much on edge, even at dinner. 

And I can only wonder if Craig's friends know how much he loves me as much as he say's he does.

Do they even know.....?
Posted by PL0225 at 15:46:53 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |